


cigarette burns on the pillow

by missMHO



Series: kiss the dawn [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics), Red Hood: Lost Days, Under the Red Hood
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dick is a self-sacrificing fool, Jason had a crush since forever, M/M, deals are made
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-03-26 12:23:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3850846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missMHO/pseuds/missMHO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Resurrection is a bitch. Jason has issues. Dick decides to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> No beta and I'm not a native speaker of English. Sorry for the mess with articles. I'm not on good terms with articles.  
> 

Jason is getting sloppy and he knows it. It’s an unacceptable course but it is the awareness of this fact that makes him ready when Nightwing comes. The trail of bodies Red Hood left this time reeked of determination and lacked the aura of cold murder. When Dick arrives, he seems more worried than anything else and that makes Jason even angrier with himself. He shouldn’t have allowed himself this moment of weakness.

Dick finds him nested in one of the corners of the warehouse. Jason is hunched, his wounds still aching. _It_ made him distracted today. _Again_. Oh, how he hates it. This _side-effect_ of his miraculous resurrection.

Jason has already shed the mask so when Dick approaches him, there are no masquerades this time. It’s the first time the original Boy Wonder sees his successor without the mask after the return.

“So it really is _you_ …” Dick says, his tone disbelieving. Bruce must have kept most of the information on Red Hood to himself. No surprise there.

“In the flesh,” the other Robin replies, grinning. Dick flinches almost unnoticeably but Jason sees it anyway - now he’s sure there’s blood staining his teeth and it gives him a kind of sick satisfaction that he managed to evoke such reaction from the other man. Nightwing seems to be thinking hard about something, conducting some kind of inner fight, his eyes not leaving Jason for a second. After a minute of contemplative silence, he must arrive at a conclusion because he speaks again.

“Are you alright?”

This is not the question Jason anticipated. He expected to be threatened, to have his ass manhandled to the batcave. He must be truly out of it if he forgot how ridiculous Dick can be.

“Oh, are you worried, Dickie-bird?” Jason smiles widely again, just for the spite of it. Dick visibly avoids looking at his blood-stained mouth.

“You weren’t this sloppy even as a kid in scaled shorts,” Dick replies with a little smile of his own. Jason always preferred this big-mouthed side of Grayson.

“Death changes a man.”

As Jason expects, the smile on Dick’s mouth wavers and turns into a grimace of annoyance.

“And makes you reckless,” Dick snaps back as he makes a step forward. “I saw you that night you have showed your new ensemble to Batman for the first time. I’ve seen enough of your skills that night to know you shouldn’t collect such wounds from fighting mere drug dealers.”

Dick is now close enough for Jason to notice that Nightiwing’s not unscatched himself. There’s a tear in his costume, a scratch over his left collarbone, it’s little but still bleeding. Jason feels a shudder run all over his body at the realisation.

“You should go.”

“Or what? I can see you weren't lazing around those years you were gone, but I can easily take you in this state.”

Jason actually laughs at that. It’s not that Dick is not right. It’s more of a sick desperation kind of laugh. He allows for it to reverberate for a moment before he actually loses control. A second later and Jason is no longer cringed in the corner, a new wave of strength flows through his veins and he has Nightwing pinned to the wall. If only he had any way of controlling this particular kind of strength, he would be able to achieve so much more. But it’s primal and out of control and Dick is unable to escape his grip.

“Ja-Jason, what are you--” he does not finish the question, the rest of it is swallowed by the gasp of bewilderment that leaves Dick’s mouth as Jason’s tongue licks at his wound.

“What--?! Stop!” Dick chokes out but Jason’s senses are overwhelmed by the _hunger_. Nightwing’s words does not matter as the other Robin sucks out blood from the reopened cut. Only after sucking a mouthful he finds it in himself to put a distance between his lips and the wound, though his hands still keep the other man pinned to the wall.

“What’s just happened, Jay?”

Jason’s head turns to face Dick at the sound of the nickname. He hasn’t heard it for years but now it seems to be the last punch that pushes him towards a periphery of sanity and control. His grip on Nightwing’s wrists loosens a little.

“Resurrection is a bitch, Dickie-bird,” Jason says bitterly. He forces himself to fully let go of the other man and takes a step back. “I did not come back fully operational. I need to provide my body with human blood to keep it in check. You have AB, I’m picky like that, you’d be out of my radar otherwise. Just your luck, huh?” Jason tries to turn it into a joke while his hands rummage through his pockets to find cigarettes. He needs to neutralize the aftertaste of Dick’s blood in his mouth because _goddamnit_ , it is delicious.

“Wait, you’re some kind of _vampire_ now?”

When Dick actually says it out loud, it sounds ridiculous. But that’s not the first absurd thing in Jason’s life after all.

“When you put it that way…” Jason finally lits a cigarette and takes a deep inhale. “I don’t know, Wonder Boy Numero Uno. It’s not like I met anyone else like me. If I _am a vampire_ , all those movies lied. I got no super-senses or amazeballs strength. I’m just a freakin’ blood junkie.”

“Is that why you started to kill?” Dick stares at the glowing end of the cigarette, something bizarre and sad in his voice.

“ _No_ ,” Jason points at him with the half of a cigarette. “I’m killing because Bruce does not have balls to do it but this is what Gotham needs. Getting fed in the process is just a perk.”

Dick actually smirks at that.

“That’s why you lost control now and act like a feral animal instead of a trained professional? Because you’re _so_ satiated.” Nightwing’s right hand lifts towards the cut on the collarbone. The blood have already started to form a scab there but then Dick tugs at it with one steady motion. Jason cannot stop himself from licking his lips when the scent of the fresh blood hits his nostrils.

“What are you doing, Dick?” Jason’s words come out with an effort. He does not have teeth out of a Hollywood production but his fangs are sharper than they were before Joker beat them out of his mouth with a crowbar and now he’s more aware of them than ever. And oh, how heavenly it would feel to sink them into Dick’s olive skin…

There’s something _more_ to the hunger he feels for Dick’s blood. He craves blood on a daily basis, he’s almost used to it by now. He seems restricted to AB type, matching his own, but when it comes to Dick it’s something even more… Jason does not have to ponder upon it for too long. He has always desired Richard Grayson, it was always a little more than just an admiration of his older brother and mentor. But back then he was just a kid, still confused about what he wanted… But now it’s all prominent. And this mixture - the hunger for blood and continuous desire - it makes Jason’s head spin.

“I’ll give it to you,” Dick says and that puts Jason into focus again.

“What?!”

“I’ll let you feed on me, if you stop killing.”

At first Jason is so taken aback by the offer, he cannot find it in himself to answer cockily. But it actually makes sense, doesn’t it? Dick Grayson and his fuckin nobility, of course he would offer him such a deal to honour Batman’s code. But Jason Todd was never noble and the offer is too delicious to pass. He can restrain from killing as Red Hood and arrange _accidents_ if it’s required.

Jason lets the cigarette butt fall to the ground. “Deal.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all who left kudos and comments on the previous chapter <3 I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story as well!

 

They arrange for meetings at dawn.

They didn’t exchange numbers or agree on a certain time and place, but Dick must have believed in Jason being able to find him. Later, when Dick gets home after finishing the patrolling that night and Jason is already there, browsing through his collection of dvds, the first Robin does not seem surprised. He does not ask how Red Hood got into his flat either -  he must know Jason would just take it as a compliment and wouldn’t really answer.

“So, how are we doing this?” Dick asks, taking off his mask and gloves and throwing them on already cluttered coffee table. “If you don’t mind doing this quick, I’d like to still catch an hour or two of sleep.”

Jason puts the season 3 set of _LOST_ back on the shelf and grins.

“There are three best places for me to feed from,” Jason explains. The words still sound strange even to himself, roll stiffly of his tongue, “Neck, thigh, wrist,” he lists them while simultaneously pointing at them with his hand. He takes in Dick’s form slowly and hungrily, allows himself to linger on the prominent muscles.“I’m gonna take a guess you’re going for the latter.”

Dick shakes his head a little as if to gather his thoughts. The hesitation is more than amusing for Jason and he feels himself getting a little hot at the very idea of Dick allowing him to drink from his thigh. It’s just too close to sucking something else than blood and _damn_ , Jason’s fantasies about getting his hands on the older Boy Wonder have travelled with him through all these years, and now that they are both grown men, the desire seems stronger than ever. But he’ll be patient, check his ground… Satisfy at least one of the hungers. _For now_.

“The wrist,” Dick finally says, just as Jason predicted, and moves to the couch. He rolls up the left sleeve of his outfit and exposes the bare forearm. Jason approaches him but does not sit down next to him on the couch. He kneels down between Dick’s legs and cradles his arm in his gloves-clad hands. Dick takes a sharp intake of breath when Jason’s lips touch his wrist. Jason looks at the other man through his eyelashes and then finally bites in. His eyes roll into his skull uncontrollably and he actually moans at the taste. It’s just _glorious_.

The taste he got in that warehouse was enough to get him hooked, to say yes to whatever deal Dick would propose. But now, when instead of focusing on calming himself down and letting go of the man in his grip, he can actually savour it, it’s intoxicating and addictive and divine--

Oh, he’s fucked. Dick has got him in the palm of his hand.

Jason’s hands start to tremble a little and his grip on Dick’s forearm becomes a bit too tight.

“Jason--” Dick’s voice is strained and Jason feels his cock twitch at the sound. Damn, it’s all _too much._

It takes all of Jason’s willpower to withdraw and put a distance between Dick and himself. He sits down on the floor, slightly panting and still feeling high on the blood.

“S’rry,” Jason slurs because it feels like he should say it if he ever wants to feed from Dick again. “Your blood is just… _Fuck._ It won’t happen again, I usually control this.”

Dick looks at the mark Jason’s teeth left on his wrist and then back at the other man. There’s something in Dick's eyes that Jason cannot decipher and it would be more vexing if he wouldn't be so high on the blood. Jason licks his lips to savour every little drop of the blood, to revel in the taste still lingering on his mouth...

He’s so fucked.

He never truly enjoyed the feedings. It was simply yet another physiological need. He cannot deny that drinking the blood itself was always euphoric, like drinking water after days of thirst. But the blood usually left a bad taste in his mouth and the act of putting your lips to a strangers neck was simply gross. The inflow of energy it gave him was a bit addicting but the process in the whole was a bittersweet affair. With Dick, it was all too good.

Dick finally stands up and starts to rummage a first-aid kit that was laying open next to the TV, probably looking for a band aid to put on his wrist.

“How often do you need to feed?”

Jason wants to say it’s every day, because it _is_ true. The hunger gets stronger after about twelve hours, becomes nagging after twenty-four. He gets significantly weaker after forty-eight hours and this is the borderline he has put for himself. He can deal with hunger... It does drive him mad but he has already lost his mind when he emerged from the Lazarus Pit so it is nothing that he cannot deal with or anything that would influence him in a profound way. But he cannot allow himself for weakness - as he did when Dick came across him in that warehouse. It was more than fifty hours since his last feeding then.

So far Dick does not seem pleased with the whole ordeal, so Jason decides not to take any chances.

“Every forty-eight hours. But I usually take less--”

“Okay,” Dick murmurs when the band aids are in place. “See you then,” he says in the general direction of Jason - who is still sitting on the floor, actually feeling a bit dizzy from the intake of blood after such a break in the feeding - and goes into his bedroom, shutting the door after himself.

Jason occupies Dick’s floor for a couple more minutes before he sees himself out.

ж

It is their fourth meeting at dawn when Dick puts a hand on Jason’s chest to stop him from kneeling and taking his forearm. Jason looks at him confused.

“I did _not_ kill that guy tonight,” he starts explaining himself angrily because this must be the reason why Dick is denying him his fix. Dick must think he broke the deal. “His own partner shot him before I could start asking questions about Black Mask, I didn’t even know he was hiding in that dumpster--”

Dick rises his eyebrows and an amused smile appears on his lips. Jason stops.

“While I appreciate you keeping your part of the deal, that’s not it,” Dick says. “The puncture wounds on my wrists are making me doubt the strength of my grip. I cannot have that when I am patrolling, Jay.”

Jason clenches his teeth, waits for Dick to tell him that even though he wanted to help Jason, it didn’t work out, but maybe he should go to Bruce, surely he will come up with some solution to this, he is a miracle-worker after all, Bruce is always--

“I think you should start feeding from my neck.”

Jason blinks owlishly while Dick looks at him expectantly. He regains his composure a second later and grins a predatory smile.

“I knew you were a kinky bastard, Dickie-bird,”

“Shut up and feed. I need my beauty sleep.”

Dick leans back on the couch and exposes his neck. Jason lick his lips at the sight. He wants to change their positions, sit himself on the couch and then draw Dick onto his lap, put his hands on that perfect body and then finally taste the blood from that lean neck… But not today. Instead he puts one of his knees between Dick’s legs, the other outside his left thigh, places his hands on the back of the couch, caging  the older man’s torso between his arms. It feels weirdly intimate even though their bodies are barely touching. Dick shivers a little when the other man finally leans in. Jason bites in and he’s _sure_ the little moan escaping Dick’s mouth was one of pain - though he imagines otherwise when he gets back to his place and masturbates still riding the high that the blood gave him.

ж

It’s three weeks after putting the deal into life when Dick changes the rules entirely.

They never really touch outside of the bitings. Dick always sits motionless when Jason cages him with his body on the couch, his hands clench into fists when the younger man feeds but never touch, and afterwards he always gives Jason that weird look and locks himself in the bedroom to get some sleep. This time when Jason’s lips slowly move away from his neck and he swallows the last mouthful of blood, Dick’s hands grasp for Red Hood’s jacket and keep him in place. He gives the other man no warning before he joins their mouth into a forceful kiss that’s too much teeth.

Jason groans with satisfaction and desperately returns the kiss. He wanted to do that _forever_ but wouldn’t risk pushing his luck. He was already regularly fed with the best blood he tasted and that has been enough so far. But _damn_ , after finally tasting Dick’s mouth, he won’t be able to deny it  himself anymore. Jason turns them around, sits firmly on the couch and _finally_ drags Dick into his lap. They don’t part their lips for longer than a breath as their hands roam over the abundance of clothes. Dick tries to take off Jason’s jacket but gets frustrated quickly so the second Robin has to stop groping Dick’s ass to aid him. When the jacket is finally on the ground, keeping the momentum Dick takes off Jason’s shirt so he can put his lips on the other man’s skin. He mouths at the pale neck, just as Jason does when he’s feeding, going lower over the webs of scars.

“Oh fuck, Dick,” Jason murmurs, almost overwhelmed, still a little dizzy after the feeding, but at the same time craving so much _more_. “You better get out of this spandex of yours if you don’t want me to tear it off of you.”

Dick huffs out a laugh at that and nibbles on the skin beside Jason’s nipple. It makes the younger man hiss and Nightwing smirks at him as he finally starts getting out of his costume. Jason’s hands are on his sculptured body the moment the bare skin is revealed. “I’ve wanted to do that for ages.”

“I thought you’d be the one to move things along, Littlewing,” Dick admits. He stands up from the other man’s lap to get out of the rest of this clothes. Jason wriggles out of his trousers, too. Dick grins when he sees that the other man wears no underwear. “With how you were eye-fucking me and all that cockiness.”

“Didn’t wanna to test my luck,” Jason shrugs and pulls Dick back onto him once they’re both naked. “I was already getting more than I bargained for,” he says against Dick’s neck. “You got no idea how delicious your blood is.” Jason licks along the other man’s neck getting a full body shiver out of him.

“I think I have some idea, you junkie,” Dick murmurs and joins their lips once again. His hands wander over the expanse of Jason’s chest, then travel lower and the kiss deepens. Dick swallows Jason’s groan when his hand finally curl around the younger man’s cock.

“ _Fuck!”_

Dick hums with satisfaction against the other man’s lips and continues to stroke Jason’s shaft. It’s not long before the younger man regains some control and takes Dick’s hand off of himself. Dick doesn't manage to ask what’s wrong before Jason has both their cocks in his fist. The room gets filled with their moans and shallow breaths and murmured curses and it’s not long before the weariness after the night patrolling and the prolonged tension takes its toll and Jason comes all over Dick’s chest. Dick does not need long to catch up with him and after a few more thrusts into Jason’s fist, he reaches his own orgasm.

“I imagined you’d be more talkative during sex,” Dick huffs out against Jason’s sweaty skin, his head resting on the other man’s shoulder.

“I usually am,” Jason admits. “You took me by surprise.” Dick laughs with satisfaction at that. 

Jason starts rummaging the trousers he has thrown next to him on the couch earlier and pulls out a cigarette and a lighter.

“You’re not smoking in the flat, Jason,” Dick says but the force of the order is diminished by how he's nuzzling Jason’s neck.

Jason lights it up anyway.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm not dead and I really want to finish this fic 8D

After the first time, they start fucking regularly. They do not discuss it or try to put a label on it. When every second dawn Red Hood waits for Nightwing in his flat for the feeding, they usually end up having sex if they’re not too bruised or tired after the night.

Jason never stays afterwards. Usually when they wait for the afterglow to pass, Jason smokes a cigarette, Dick curses him not to do it ever again, says he needs to catch some hour or two of sleep. Then Jason leaves with the taste of the other man still on his tongue, whether it’s Dick’s seed, sweat or blood. It becomes some fucked up sort of routine. Their “relationship”, or maybe more of an unspoken agreement, is based on needs - Jason’s addiction to Dick’s blood and mutual lust. Nothing more and nothing less to it.

Jason allows himself to entertain the idea it could become something more. Sometimes when he spends the mornings alone in his parody of a flat - more of a safehouse than a home - he likes to imagine their _agreement_  becoming something more than mutual lust… He’s been alone for years in every sense of the word, no one can blame him for enjoying the idea of changing that. But that’s just a bittersweet dream, almost a masochistic way of spending his free time and distracting himself from the bloodlust growing within him with every hour. He may like to daydream a little, but he is a realist at the core. He is too aware of the fact how expendable he is. Dick may enjoy the sex, may desire him now, but he is going to want something better. He is going to finally realise his life is passing by while he’s too busy with saving lives of others and he is going to want something _more._ Someone loving and normal. Not a murderous blood junkie that’s also kind of his brother. Jason is used to being left by people he cares about but somehow he feels Dick abandoning him is going to hurt more than his parents or Bruce…. So he is going to enjoy this madness while it lasts. Every second of it.

He tries not to muse on it too much when he’s with Dick but sometimes it just strikes him in the least appropriate moment. Like now, when his tongue is buried deep in Dick’s ass and he is drawing out the most amazing sounds from the other man. Dick is choking on his own moans and even if Jason is only an expandable fuck buddy in his life, he is going to make sure Dick’s never getting sex this good from anyone else.

“Ja-Jason, _don’t_ stop--” Dick manages to huff out between his obscene moans and Jason just hums in response which evokes a full body shiver from the other man. Dick comes soon after that with a shout that resembles Jason’s name.

Jason reaches for the bottle of lubricant that’s still lying on the bedside table where he left it two days ago and sloppily puts some on his painfully hard cock. He turns Dick around so he’s laying on his back. The other man is breathing hard, his perfect body covered in a sheen of sweat. He still seems too high on his orgasm and Jason waits, though impatiently. But then Dick opens his eyes, takes in Jason’s figure and sends him a dishevelled smile as he widens his legs invitingly. _Fuck, he’s beautiful._

Jason enters him slowly, relishing in how tight the other man feels. Dick groans loudly and his hands clench in fists around the sheet but when Jason fears it might be too much for his battered hole, Dick moves his hips to take him in deeper. Jason never expected Dick to be _this_ in bed but he’s _so_ far from complaining.

“You’re such a whore sometimes, Grayson,” he mutters as he’s finally fully in. _Sonofabitch,_ this feels too good. “The Boy Wonder cannot get tired of taking it so eagerly. You probably won’t even come, it’s too soon, but you just like having a cock in you, don’t you?”

“Shut up, Jason.”

He always replies this way but Jason never misses the way his hips quiver whenever he starts talking this nonsense in bed.

Jason may try to be the best sex for Dick, though he will never know if he succeeded. What he knows is that when Dick dumps him, sex is going to be ruined for Jason. Nothing ever will be better than _this_.

And there _it_ is again. Haunting him in the least appropriate moment.

Jason’s eyes move to the mark his teeth left on Dick’s neck. It feels like a little triumph to have that mark on the other man. It is going to fade but for now it gives him a twisted sense of satisfaction. He speeds up his thrusts and, without a warning, bites Dick’s shoulder. Not as deep as he does when he feeds, but enough to leave a mark. Dick is going to kick his ass for it, but in this very moment the feeling is what pushes him over the edge and he comes.

ж

Usually Jason is the first one in Dick’s flat - he just enjoys too much the annoyed face Dick makes when he realizes Red Hood broke in once again. If Dick comes back earlier for whatever reason, he usually waits on his couch, still in Nightwing’s regalia as he claims that the feel of the outfit helps him stay awake. But then one morning Jason is later than usual, unfortunately caught up with some Two-Face goons, and when he enters the flat Dick is there, like expected, but not on his couch - he’s on the bed in the other room, fully asleep in just his underwear and tangled in a fluffy blanket.  

Jason spends a moment just looking at him, at the lines of his muscles in stasis. Dick is always so full of energy it seems almost odd to see him so still. Jason feels a fond smile tugging at his lips and swears quietly at himself. He’s so gone for Dick. He always was, as a kid looking up to the first Boy Wonder and as a growing teenager confused about the way his body reacted around Dick. And now, after all that hell that happened in between, with them actually fucking, he’s still just a boy with a crush, damn it all.

He’s unable to find it in himself to wake Dick but also doesn’t want to leave without his fix (of blood and of Dick) so he puts the helmet and his weapons on a coffee table and silently investigates the flat. He doesn’t feel like going through drawers, it’s not like he’s looking for anything more than entertainment, so once again he focuses his attention on the shelves filled with books and dvds. After a few minutes, he also takes off his domino mask and the leather jacket, takes paperback titled _Game of Thrones_ off the shelf and spreads himself on the couch in a comfortable position to read.

He actually gets engrossed into the story which he didn’t expect. He immediately takes a liking to Jon Snow and Tyrion Lannister and he’s not going to analyse how his favourite characters are the family disappointments. He’s actually so taken by the book that he doesn’t hear when Dick wakes up and walks into the room.

“That’s a sight I didn’t think I’d ever witness,” he says as a way of announcing himself. Jason looks up at him, startled. Dick is still just in his underwear, his hair ruffled by sleep, he’s leaning in the doorway, staring at Jason with clear amusement.

“Didn’t want to wake you,” he admits.

“So you decided to rummage my shelves and lounge in my sitting room?” Dick raises his eyebrows and Jason tenses. He didn’t really think this through enough to foresee that Dick would be mad at him for staying so long. _Stupid_. He should have assumed Dick wouldn’t want him around if they are not fulfilling the blood deal or fucking.

“Sorry,” he’s already on his feet, reaching for the gear he left on the table. “I shouldn’t have--” But then there’s a hand on his shoulder and another one his wrist and when Jason moves his face towards Dick in confusion, the other man is looking at him weirdly.

“It’s okay, Jaybird, really.” Dick’s hand guides his own to put the equipment back on the table and then he maneuvers Jason to sit back on the couch. “You still need your fix.” Dick smiles as he straddles him and Jason finally relaxes. Dick leans his head to the side, showing off the expanse of his neck and Jason hums in appreciation as his lips move towards the olive skin. Dick shudders when Jason’s teeth break skin and the divine taste of the blood never ceases to make him whimper. But this time there’s no thrust of the hips or any other telling move from Dick that the feeding is turning into something more sexual - which lately happened more often than not. Only Dick wrapping his arms around Jason, still sleepily cuddly more than anything. Jason licks the bite after finishing and leans his head on Dick’s shoulders, pretending only a bit that the delayed intake of blood made him dizzy. Then Dick’s stomach rumbles loudly and Jason snorts.

“You’re not the only one that’s hungry,” Dick mutters and untangles himself from around the other man. Once Dick off Jason’s lap, Jason slowly starts to gather his gear.

“You know there’s a tv show,” Dick says out of the blue and Jason stops halfway with putting on his domino mask to look at the first Boy Wonder. Jason looks at him puzzled. “ _Game of Thrones_ ,” Dick nods at the abandoned paperback. “I barely started it myself but looks good. I have my day off so I was planning to binge watch something on netflix anyway  so you’re welcome to join me.”

Jason blinks twice before the offer fully settles in his mind. Dick stretches lazily with his eyes on the younger man, expectant but patient.

“Yeah, sure,” Jason says causally, once again putting all the equipment back on the coffee table.

“Great!” Dick grins and heads to the kitchen to fix himself something to eat. Jason sits back on the couch and takes off his shoes as well this time before settling comfortably. He’s still flabbergasted why Dick would chose to spend his day off with him but well, with the life they lead, maybe Jason isn’t the only one that gets lonely.

Dick comes back with a bowl of cereal and milk and without ceremony settles on the couch making a seat for himself between Jason’s legs. He passes Jason the tv remote and then leans back, laying on Jason’s chest. “Be a dear and put the first episode on.”

It’s one of the calmest days Jason had experienced since his resurrection. Probably one of the best, too.

When they have sex that evening, it’s slow and emotive and Jason can’t really call it “fucking” in his head. They’re almost affectionate and Jason is really grateful for how mind-bogglingly _good_ it was so he wasn’t really in the state of mind to think about it deeper.

He’s finishing his cigarette and gets ready to get up and be on his merry way, as it _always_ goes, but tonight there’s a hand on his chest, stopping him from sitting up.

“Dick?”

“Stay, Jaybird.”

Jason swallows, his eyes staring at the hand on his chest. “I don’t think I need to remind you _we_ work nights?”

“Gotham is not going to fall down if two of us take a night off, god knows we have enough vigilantes running around. If there’s an emergency, _we’ll know._ ”

Jason almost says no and forces his way out because it just feels _too good_ having Dick like that and it’s going to hurt later when he’s deprived of it. But despite all this, he’s unable to find it in himself to turn down the offer. He settles back on the bed and Dick sprawls himself over him murmuring with content.

ж

Jason cannot breathe.

His hands are bleeding and aching but he can’t stop digging now, he must be close but there are black spots dancing before his eyes and now he almost can’t feel his arms and he needs to take a breath--

“Jay! Jason! Wake up, _please_ …”

Jason opens his eyes and it’s not to the insides of his grave but a regular ceiling and it’s only then that he takes a deep breath. He’s almost high from oxygen at first and it takes him a moment to realize where he is. Dick is next to him, staring at him with worry and he’s visibly distressed… It’s only his third night staying at Dick’s place and he’s already fucked up so royally. It’s not like he can control his nightmares so he should have foreseen this but--

“Jay, are you alright?”

“Don’t worry, Dickie-bird, it was just a dream--” he tries to sit up but he still feels a little lightheaded so he lays back down to Dick’s visible relief.

“You… You were calling for Bruce.”

Jason winces at the words. He remembers digging up from his own grave more from his nightmares than the actual time it happened but he knows he did call for Batman in that fucking coffin.

“It’s not like he came back then and it’s not like I need him now,” he snaps before thinking it through and then curses at himself. It’s not like he ever talks about what happened back then. Sure he likes to remind Bruce that he _died_ whenever he can _,_ but never truly _talks_ about it. He reaches for his pack of cigarettes and only then sees that his hands are shaking. He puts one in his mouth but he cannot operate the lighter properly because of the damned shaking--

“It’s okay,” Dick says and takes the lighter from the other man’s hands and lights up the cigarette in his mouth.

Dick hates it when Jason smokes.

Jason stares at him, like a deer caught in the headlights, unable to compose himself. Dick smiles, puts a hand in his hair to ruffle it and repeats “It’s okay.” Jason freezes and stays unmoving when Dick hugs him, his chest pressing close to the younger man’s back. Jason stays still in the embrace without returning it, slowly smoking the cigarette and he’s just so thankful that Dick chose this position and he doesn’t see his face because he honestly doesn’t know what the circus boy would see in it right now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how this chapter came to be as I have not planned beforehand like 90% of what happened here. The boys just took over but I must say I am pleased with that course of action :D

Jason has to admit that he fucked up.

But how was he supposed to know that some villain-wannabe without an army of goons is going to be so problematic? It’s not like everyone can just waltz into the dark side of Gotham and become a crime lord overnight, like he did. It’s not that easy to accomplish, especially with a small army of vigilantes running around at night. But this guy calling himself The Chemist had a successful debut. Jason heard the talks of him releasing some kind of a new drug so he came to the meeting with the dealers, lurking in the shadows. After he heard enough about what kind of a nasty stuff the drug is, he revealed himself with a cheesy one-liner and took care of the dealers (no killing, just kicking their asses untill they fall down unconscious, the promise of tasting Dick’s blood in a few hours always being enough of an incentive to behave) but when he turned to deal with The Chemist, the man was waiting with a syringe and Jason was not quick enough...

He wakes up on the ground, tied up, his arms and legs feeling numb enough that he’s unable to free himself. His helmet is gone but he feels the domino mask in its place. He wore it for dramatic effect back then when he disclosed his identity in front of Bruce but then it became a habit. Now he’s thankful for it. He tries to move to have a better look around but the drug is still working. He has no idea where he is, except for the place being filthy and abandoned. He has no other option but to wait until the drug wears off and he’ll be able to free himself.

Then he has a visitor. The Chemist ignores Jason swearing to kill him in the most brutal of ways and injects him with another dose of the drug.

ж

He doesn’t know how much time has passed since his stupid _stupid_ capture and how much drug this psycho has put into him since then but he’s certain that the blood lust is making him much dizzier now than any drug could. He has started to unconsciously gnaw at his lower lip until it started to bleed as if it could help in any way. He tried drinking his own blood before but it doesn’t work like that, unfortunately. He needs fresh, purely human blood. And as for now, he needs it _yesterday_.

He hears someone come in and all the sounds reverberate in his skull as if he was trapped in some kind of glass container.

“I thought you vigilantes look after one another here in Gotham,” The Chemist’s voice seems far away but Jason’s blurry vision tells him he’s right in front of him. “I thought I’ll lure your _friends_ here and have my own little collection of superheroes.”

“You chose the wrong vigilante, scumbag” Jason slurs. “I work alone. Nobody cares if I’m gone.”

The Chemists snorts. “That’s exactly what a person in your situation would say so forgive me for not taking your word on that.”

Jason laughs because what he said _is_ true and now he’s going to die as a useless bait. But the conversation helps him sober up just a little bit and he starts to work on the ties on his wrists. Then he hears footsteps growing louder and The Chemist doesn’t even waste any more of his drugs on him, just hits him in the head hard enough to render him unconscious.

ж

“Jay? Jason, you need to wake up. _I_ _need you_ to wake up…”

The voice cuts through the darkness and Jason feels like he needs to listen to it, follow the order... His head is pounding from the punch but mostly from the overwhelming hunger, now filling his whole body with aching need. He forces his eyelids to open.

“Oh my god, Jason, you’re awake!”

Nightwing’s face swims into view and Jason can only grunt in response. He feels he’s not tied up anymore but he can’t move his limbs. It comes to him slowly that Dick is sitting on the filthy ground next to him and Jason is half-lying on his lap.

“I took care of The Chemist, you’re alright,” Dick keeps talking, seeing how it anchors Jason in reality, helps him to regain full consciousness. The drug has worn off but the hunger is even worse.  “Jay, I don’t know what he’s done to you--” But then Dick stops and huffs out a mirthless laugh. “I’m so stupid,” he says, his hand coming to Jason face, his fingertips touching the torn lip. “So stupid…”

Jason cannot speak his gratefulness when he observes Nightwing taking off his glove and using one of the batarangs to cut his own wrist open enough to bleed  and putting it to Jason’s mouth. The first  drops are burning his tongue but the relief filling his body is almost as overwhelming as the blood lust itself.

When Jason is able to move his limbs, Dick abruptly withdraws his wrist and puts a makeshift dressing on it before putting the glove on as well. Jason whines uncontrollably. It wasn’t nearly enough--

“You’ll get more,” Dick promises and leaves a quick kiss on Jason’s forehead. “But we need to get out of here. GCPD will be here soon to collect The Chemist and I want us to be gone by then.”

The journey back to Dick’s apartment is slow and they keep mostly to the ground but it still exhausts Jason so much he falls down on the bed the moment they’re there. The world spins around him again and he doesn’t move when Dick takes his jacket off him and then removes the boots. Then he sits down on the bed next to Jason and lifts him onto his lap again.

“Come on, Jaybird. You can feed now,” he says while one of his hands stroke Jason’s hair soothingly and the younger man doesn’t have it in himself to stop himself from leaning into it. Jason lifts his own hand to Dick’s neck and he sees how the marks there managed to heal within the expanse of days when Jason was kept captive. That makes gears turn in his head.

“I shouldn’t--” his voice is more of a croak than anything resembling how he normally speaks and he furrows his brows in frustration about his inability to do anything in this state. “Too lon’, I may hurt y’r neck too much.”

He’s a predator, damned to be one by his blood lust and easiness in killing, but he can’t truly hurt Dick. Not even for a fix. He’d rather have Dick torturing him for hours with feeding him like he did at the Chemist’s, a few drops at a time, rather than allow himself near his neck now.

Dick stares at him for a moment then sighs deeply and works on removing the dressing from his wrist. He reopens the wound and holds it millimetres above Jason’s open mouth, feeding him slowly. Jason feels his body filling with energy with every minute and when after what seems an aeon of this bittersweet torture, the strength comes back to his limbs, he has to clench his fists around the sheets to keep himself from doing something stupid.

Once again, Dick withdraws his hand too soon. Jason looks at him startled and he’s sure he’s wordlessly _begging_ for more but he’s far from being embarrassed about it right now. Dick actually chuckles and sends him an affectionate look, the way he did when Jason was Robin and pouted about something.

“You need a shower,” Dick states as he maneuvers Jason into a sitting position on the bed. Jason allows Dick to manhandle him as he cannot really argue, he spent days on that filthy floor.  “Then you can have whatever you want.”

Jason turns his head sharply to look Dick in the eyes to see whether he’s playing with him. But there’s something in Dick’s eyes that makes him get up and walk towards the bathroom without a comment. He expects to be left alone to complete the task but Dick follows him soon after and starts undressing. “Showering together saves water,” Dick says with a wink and Jason feels his lips curling in a smile.

It’s only when they are both naked and under the stream of water that Dick speaks again. “You’re awfully quiet, Jaybird. It worries me, it’s not like you to be this quiet.” Dick confesses while he starts applying shampoo to Jason’s hair without any warning. Jason takes a sharp intake of breath but still doesn’t speak. It _is_ unusual for him, being chatty is a trait all Robins share, but in this moment he’s afraid to open his mouth because he’s not sure what is going to come out.

Back there at The Chemist’s, there was a moment of consciousness where he honestly thought _this is it_. The Chemist’s only use of him was as bait but Jason _knew_ no one would be looking for him. But then Dick rescued him and helped him with the hunger and now he was washing his fucking hair and-- It was too much. Give him gun fights and supervillains and he’ll go through them without a blink but Dick _caring_ for him--

Suddenly there were lips on his in a chaste kiss.

“I lost you there for a second,” Dick smiles and guides his head to rinse the shampoo out. When he’s done, Jason pulls him into a tight hug and says “Thank you” with his lips brushing Dick’s ear.

“You’re welcome,” Dick replies with a smile. “We Robins have to look out for each other, even after we left the nest.”  

Jason snorts at that and they continue to wash each other in silence. Dick is gorgeous with the water streaming down his defined muscles and his longish hair brushed out of his face. Jason would contently spend hours in that shower just admiring his lover but tonight he’s dead on his feet. They dry themselves but don’t bother to dress into anything before falling on the bed together.

“You said I could--” Jason starts but doesn’t finish, just looks up at Dick with a questioning stare.

“Whatever you want, Jay.”

Jason’s hand goes to stroke the inside of Dick’s thigh and he waits for the realization to appear in the other man’s eyes. Jason has mentioned it only once when he fed for the first time but they were both trained by the world’s greatest detective after all, they know how to join clues and facts… Then Jason’s sees Dick’s pupils dilating as he huffs out a quiet “Yeah.”

Jason lowers his head, teasing Dick’s cock with a hot exhale on the way, and then sets his lips against the olive skin of the circus boy’s thigh. He leaves a kiss there firstly but then Jason’s teeth sink into the flesh and the surge of blood fills his mouth just as he desired it for days. He hears a sharp intake of breath from Dick and then a hand in his hair, stroking and clenching in turns. When he withdraws after what seemed like blissful hours, licking his lips greedily, Dick is handing him a tissue to apply to the bitemark as a dressing. It’ll scab soon, as all Jason’s bites seem to do, so they don’t bother with an actual plaster. Jason does it delicately and that’s when he notices that Dick’s cock is half-hard, resting on his belly. Still applying the pressure to the bite, Jason shifts up so that he’s able to kiss the older man on the lips, slowly but deeply.

“My little masochist,” he says smiling against Dick’s mouth.

“Looks like you hit the jackpot with that, having me as a donor, huh,” Dick grins in response. Jason sits up between Dick’s spread legs so he’s able to both keep the makeshift dressing in place and put his other hand on the other man’s cock. He strokes him into full hardness, drinking in the sight of Dick’s flushed face and lips bitten in pleasure. The he lowers himself once again, this time to take Dick’s shaft into his mouth. By now he knows how to make a complete mess out of the first Boy Wonder with just his mouth, starting at the head and putting all his attention to it until Dick’s lip biting turns into loud moans, then he swallows all of the length and sucks till Dick’s seed slides down his throat.

Dick is breathing heavily when Jason lays down next to him with a smug expression on his face. Dick turns towards him, half-lidded eyes betraying his exhaustion.

“Give me a moment and--”

“I’m okay, Dickie-bird. Go to sleep.”

Dick smiles at him drowsily and, yeah, he can fall asleep to a sight like that every night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter just wouldn't cooperate. I have the next one almost finished and done but this one was such a bitch to write. But I decided I have to just move on and publish it because it wasn't getting any better.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it anyway D:

One morning Jason walks in on Dick trying to wrap up his ribs and failing at it with pained but also adorably irritated expression. It would be quite entertaining to watch if there wasn’t a huge gash on his chest and in the end Jason winces at the sight.

"What happened?" Jason grumbles as he takes the bandage from Dick’s hands without asking for permission and starts over. Dick doesn't argue.

“One of the Two-Face’s thugs showed a remarkable skill of using a knife with broken wrists,” Dick admits as Jason carefully assesses whether the gash needs stitches. Fortunately it’s not that deep. “He took me off guard, I was sure everyone was down and I was about to leave...”

Jason sighs but bites his tongue to stop himself from vocalising any further comments. Nightwing’s rescue of Red Hood from the hands of The Chemist is still too recent in his memory. Besides, what could he really say? That Dick should be more careful? It always sounds so stupid when you consider what they actually do every night with practically running towards danger. So he works in silence and grits his teeth whenever Dick grimaces out of pain.

He’s distinctly careful when feeding this morning. Dick straddles him, the way they usually do it now, but Jason keeps them both almost motionless with his hands gently holding Dick’s hips. He also takes less blood than he usually does, just to take the edge off the hunger, not to be really satiated. And Dick notices.

“I’m fine, Jaybird,” he says as Jason wipes his lips with the back of this hand. “Any of us had worse, this is just a scratch.”

Jason smiles tightly. Of course they all had worse. Damn, he even died once. But it never mattered like this. Because the only way of losing Dick that Jason can accept is Dick wanting him to leave. He cannot accept losing him because of some thug’s knife, he cannot accept the world losing Dick Grayson. Lazarus Pit fucked him up in many ways and Dick Grayson is now the only thing keeping him together. If Dick dies at the hands of a Gotham thug Jason could have erased from this world if Red Hood continued to kill? It’s going to break him all over again.

“Come on, Jay,” Dick puts his hands on Jason’s face and forces him to look into his eyes. “ _I’m okay,_ ” he repeats as he pulls Jason in for a kiss. But the usual frantic kissing after feeding doesn’t play well with Jason today. He’s the one to slow it down, turn teasing biting into tender brushes of their lips, make Dick moan with unhurried moves of his tongue. When they part, Dick shivers under his hands. They should do it this way more often it’s just-- it’s so much more intimate it makes it all feel too much like an actual relationship rather than fuck buddies. And Jason needs to remember they are only the latter.

“ _Wow_ , I need to get injured more if this is what I get,” Dick’s thoughts follow the similar path. Jason pokes his shoulder with don’t-you-dare look in his eyes.

“You’re not funny, Dickie-Dick,” Jason says. “Have you eaten anything since you came back?”

Dick shakes his head to indicate he didn’t and Jason moves him out of his lap with a sigh.

“I’m gonna get you something.”

“Cereal?” Dick pleads, knowing well what Jason thinks of his eating habits. He also knows that Jason is unable to say _no_ to his puppy eyes. .

“Damn you,” Jason says under his breath as he leans down to nip on Dick’s lip. But he doesn’t argue and gets on his way to the kitchen. He pours the cereal into the bowl and adds a bit of cold milk, just the way Dick likes it best.

The smile he gets after handing the bowl to Dick makes all of his blame about allowing Dick to indulge in the awful diet disappear. They watch some _Game of Thrones_ after that, Dick in his favourite place between Jason’s legs, laying on him back to chest. Dick falls asleep at the beginning of a second episode but Jason is unable to sleep. He gently strokes Dick’s hair trying to shake off the feeling that’s haunting him for weeks now - as if he’s constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

ж

Of course Dick doesn’t listen when Jason asks him to slow down a little for a few nights and give the gash time to heal. So Jason starts keeping track of Nightwing's moves more than doing his usual patrolling. He doesn't get caught so he doesn’t feel too guilty about it - what Dick doesn't see cannot hurt him.

This is when the other shoe drops and Jason is unable to stop the fall.

He sees it through a broken window. There are two unconscious men on the ground and the third one is fighting Nightwing with sick determination. There's a bloody knife in thug’s hand but Jason decides to stay in the shadows for as long as possible. This isn’t anything Dick is unable to deal with.

But Nightwing must have exposed the existence of his wound at some point during the fight tonight in the way he moved and the thug takes advantage of it. The man punches Dick directly into the gash on his chest and Dick topples over in pain-- and for a moment Jason cannot move, cannot breath. In a heartbeat the man has Dick pinned to the ground with the weight of his body, knife ready to strike--

Honestly, Jason doesn’t think much after that.

Firstly, he shots the hand gripping the knife, so that the weapon collapses to the floor and doesn’t hurt Dick by accident. Then he jumps at the man, tumbles with him to the floor. The strength hidden in his blood-craving body that usually manifests itself only when he hunts for food, now rushes through him. Jason sits on the man’s chest, pinning him to the ground without effort. He hears Dick’s voice somewhere in the background, but he can’t make out the words through the rage filling his head. Jason puts his hands on the man’s neck, baring his own teeth in exertion. The man struggles but soon his trachea crushes under the pressure and his body becomes still.

It’s like coming down from an adrenaline high but Jason doesn’t really know how to define what just happened. The predator inside him was unleashed and now it seems to be purring with satisfaction.

“Jay-- What have you done?”

Dick’s voice finally reaches him and Jason turns towards the source of it. Dick is still sitting on the ground, one of his hands is clenched tight on his chest and he stares at Jason with betrayal in his eyes.

“He was going to kill you,” the predator inside Jason growls. “I couldn’t let him--”

“You murdered him, Jason.”

Jason stands up and but doesn’t make any more moves. He wants to approach Dick and check if he’s okay but the look in the other man’s eyes is enough for Jason to know it wouldn’t be welcomed.

Why can’t Dick understand? Jason couldn’t allow for that man to hurt Dick, to take Dick from this world. He had to put him down, he had to, he can’t lose Dick, not like that, he--

“The deal is off,” Dick says, his voice hard, and he looks vulnerable and furious at the same time and Jason just wants to grab the other man into his arms and hold him tight until all of _this_ goes away. But it’s not an option. “The deal is off,” Dick repeats as if to convince himself of the veracity of the statement but this time the words actually sound weak.

Jason expected that, of course he did, but he wasn’t ready for that clutching in his chest and feeling once again like a boy from the streets who has just lost everything... He knew this day would come. He was bracing himself for Dick announcing that this is the end of the dream. But it’s so much more than blood lust now and--

Jason takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry I disappointed you,” Jason says because he’s not going to apologize for killing the man. “But I couldn’t have dealt with this differently, I just couldn’t”. He swallows thickly. “I--” He stops himself and huffs out an emotionless laugh. “Forget it.”

He doesn’t look at Dick again before he leaves.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still no native-speaker-of-English-beta but I want to thank [kasssumi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kasssumi) for the last-minute reading of the chapters before I post them to check whether they make sense <3

The hunger becomes unbearable the third day _after_.

The first day is a blur of rage and then alcohol and then sleep filled with nightmares. But later, when the haze wears off, all Jason is left with is regret and hunger and all of it is clouding his judgement and mind. And he needs his mind. He needs to come up with a way for Dick to forgive him. He needs to somehow salvage whatever is left of their relationship. Even if it’s not back to lovers, even if Jason never tastes Dick’s blood again, he just… Jason just wants see him from time to time and do not have these blue eyes look at him with disgust.

Because of Dick’s injury he didn’t take as much blood as he usually do and now it is taking it’s toll. When the mark of his usual feeding is passed, he already feels like crawling up the walls. The thought of drinking the blood of a stranger fills him with repugnance but what is even more dreading is the knowledge that in a few hours he won’t care.

He goes out on a patrol, his vision blurred, mouth dry, and whole body aching. He gets stabbed by a rapist (the girl manages to run away and it’s all that matters). The cut is shallow and on the side, but it still slows him down and the blood on his hands just reminds him of the hunger more. The whole night feels too much like the one when he made the deal with Dick only this time Nightwing doesn’t come to rescue Jason from himself.

It’s almost dawn and he should be on his way back to a safehouse but instead he’s sitting on a fire escape trying to will his hands to stop shaking. From his seat he is able to look into the windows of the building next door and observe people getting up at this ungodly hour or those who still haven’t finished for the night. He sees a man in his pajamas on his fourth mug of coffee working on a spreadsheet document in the glow of a laptop, a kid reading a book in the light of a flashlight, a couple having a morning sex, a man who wakes up hungovered and yells at his wife to make him some food and then beats her cruelly after she refuses to be summoned at his every whim. Jason stops at that window, sees the wife going to the kitchen but not to surrender to the man’s will but to take something out of the freezer for a makeshift cold compress. Man yells at her some more and then leaves the flat. Jason observes him as he enters the alley for a smoke.

Jason’s hesitation lasts as long as it takes for the man to smoke a half of his cigarette. Then Jason jumps from the fire escape and the next moment the man is laying unconscious on the dirty ground. One sniff is enough to assess that he has the compatible blood type, easily recognized by Jason’s starved senses even under the nauseating smell of digested alcohol. Jason cuts the man’s wrist with a knife - doesn’t want to leave any suspicious marks, the last thing Gotham needs is the awareness of a “vampire” roaming its streets - and forces himself to put his lips on the man’s skin. The bittersweet feeling of finally feeding is overwhelming and for a short moment he is able to forget he’s drinking the blood from an abusive pig.

The hunger is barely satiated when he stops. He doesn’t care about the man and he feels like the woman upstairs wouldn’t be too sad if the man never came back from his smoke, but the image of disappointment in Dick’s eyes is stuck in his head and he just _can’t_ take another life on purpose.

He doesn’t attend to the cut in any way but at this point of living his resurrected life he knows there’s something in his saliva that speeds up the healing process. He’s seen it too many times on Dick’s olive skin…

He punches the man to give him a bruise matching the one on his wife’s face and leaves him in the dirty alley with unsavoury aftertaste in his mouth.

ж

It’s almost a month before Red Hood and Nightwing cross paths. They end up crashing the same drug dealers meeting and after taking them down, without a word, they take off together into the night and stop only when they come across an abandoned flat on the highest floor of some decrepit building.

Jason stalls while taking in the state of the flat. No wonder it’s uninhabited. Jason’s flat is a shithole, but even he wouldn’t decide to stay in this one-room condo. It is missing a considerable part of the wall, letting in the night air. It couldn’t have been too long since it was abandoned but the furniture is already devastated due to it being exposed to rain and temperature changes. It must have been a collateral damage of one of the fights.

Jason feels like it’s a good metaphor of their _relationship._

Dick is just across the room and the distance feels like a physical pain. The mixture of blood lust mixed with how Jason missed the feeling of the other man’s skin under his fingers every night since the fight, it’s almost too much. He really fuckin’ missed Dick and the fact exasperates him.

But he still wouldn’t have changed his decision back then in order to avoid this recent separation. That man had hurt Dick and he had to pay for that.

“You didn’t kill anyone tonight,” Nightwing observes, breaking the silence in the room. Red Hood already opens his mouth to cockily ask if he earned a reward for that but Dick is faster. “It still does not change what you did back then. The lives you spare does not make up for those you’ve taken.”

“What difference does it make, Dick? I already have so much red on my hands that I can only get lower now,” Jason snaps. He’s angry that Dick cannot see this. He’s furious that Dick won’t understand why Red Hood had to kill that man. Jason is a man who expresses his feelings through action, not words, and if Dick doesn’t see why Jason broke their arrangement for that  particular man, that man who almost killed Nightwing… Then be it. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe Dick shouldn’t know how much--

“No snappy answer?” Dick cuts off Red Hood’s line of thought. “You’re starting to worry me,” Nightwing adds impishly but Jason is too infuriated to play along. He only bares his teeth as a reply, not fully conscious of the gesture. Nightwing’s face goes softer and then his eyebrows furrow in worry.

“Have you fed since--?”

Jason scoffs. Dick’s scent is making his head dizzy and his mouth is watering at the very thought of the blood running through the veins of that perfect body.

“Wouldn’t be standing here if I didn’t,” Red Hood answers with a vicious smile but is unable to hide how much his hands are shaking now that the adrenaline from the fight is gone. And Jason notices how Dick clenches his jaw, observes him carefully. Jason is sure Dick sees how he tries not to move his left hand too much after it was almost dislocated, and the blood staining his trousers as it leaks from the shallow stab wound on his thigh. He’s sure Dick sees the parallel to the night when they made their deal, when Jason was too underfed to leave a fight without a scratch. Nightwing himself is without any bleeding injuries tonight and Jason is grateful for that. If he got a taste of Dick Grayson’s blood in the air, he might have to fled the moment they were in the same room.

Dick sighs and then crosses the room calmly while fumbling with the zip of his suit. Jason _knows_ what is coming but before Dick actually says it, it feels too good to be true before Dick speaks.

“Dig in, you damned connoisseur.”

Jason feels like a puppy who got a treat even though he didn’t do the trick he was supposed to. But he does not plan on delving into that. He grabs Dick and guides for the circus boy to sit on the nearest chest of drawers. The wood groans in surprise but both men ignore that as at the same moment Jason already has his lips on Nightwing’s neck.   

He slowly bites into Dick’s skin, savouring the feeling, unable to stop a moan from escaping his throat. The feeling of having the other man so close and the addicting taste of his blood on Jason’s tongue are enough to make him feel lightheaded. Nightwing’s legs entwine around his waist and tighten their grip whenever Jason allows for a little moan of pleasure.

“Sounds like you missed me,” Nightwing huffs out while his hands wander along the line of Red Hood’s spine. One of his hands stop at Jason’s back of the neck to tangle into his hair. The feedings were becoming more and more _intimate_ lately but it was such a bittersweet feeling Jason never found it in himself to ask Dick to stop.

“Don’t get too full of yourself,” Jason murmurs against Dick’s skin even though he felt like a puppy abandoned after Christmas this last month. He has just stopped feeding, still relishing in the taste lingering in his mouth. His lips move against Nightwing’s neck again, but this time in a kiss. Dick did not gave him a permission for that but Jason is ready to take his chances at this very moment. He’s almost high on the blood after the recent starving.

“I can’t, you’re emptying me as we speak, you prick,” Nightwing retorts but he does not stop Jason from kissing his jaw line. On the contrary, he clenches his hand around Red Hood’s hair, keeping him in place.

“You’re the Dick here.”

“That was so lame, Jason Todd, I can’t believe it actually left your mouth.”

“It’s all your fault. Your blood got me high,” Jason admits. His lips are millimeters away from Dick’s and this time the circus boy does not reply in words but with a kiss.

It it too much and not enough at the same time. Their kiss deepens quickly, Dick sucks and bites into Jason’s lower lip, knowing how it drives the other man crazy in the best of ways. Jason’s hands quickly make their way towards the partially open zipper and work on getting the costume off the circus boy. Dick does not even protest when soon after that he’s completely naked but for the mask on that ruined chest of drawers. Jason leaves a trail of kisses across Dick’s chest, as if he wants to check if his lover’s skin tastes the same all over his body. It’s not long before Dick is squirming under the other man’s hands and lips. Jason closes his mouth over the other man’s cock without warning and the moan he gets in response is music to his ears. He’s licking and sucking, using all the tricks he knows Dick’s loves, but never too much and never enough. He’s going to enjoy this, whatever this is, for as long as possible. He’s still not sure whether Dick has forgiven him or if this is some kind of fucked up farewell.

“Do you have it, Jay…?” Dick murmurs while his hands tightly clench around the hairs on the back of Jason’s neck in order to get his attention. Jason hums in confusion as a reply and Dick’s hips thrust uncontrollably when the vibrations from the sound add to the series of maddening licks Jason is currently applying to the other man’s cock.

“In these countless pockets of yours,” Dick adds, vexed. He tugs at Jason’s jacket to add to the effect of his words. “Lube.”

Jason withdraws with a loud popping noise and licks his lips at the sight of Dick’s hard cock resting on his thigh. Then fumbles with an inner pocket of the jacket for a few seconds and actually pulls about a small tube of lube out of it.

Dick grins. “Get to work then,” he orders and takes off his domino mask. Jason is finally able to look into his eyes but doesn’t find it in himself to hold the gaze for longer than a couple of seconds.

Jason knows he doesn’t have to be patient with his lover. Dick likes it when it hurts a bit, that little masochist. Dick becomes such a moaning mess whenever Jason enters him when he’s still a little bit too tight, that Jason has learnt to abandon any reluctance about hurting the other man this way. Tonight isn’t any different.

“Now, I’m ready…” Dick hurries him just after Jason managed to fully slide in three of his fingers. Jason does not need to be asked twice. He doesn’t care he’s still in all his clothes, He just unzips his trousers and pushes them down so they barely hang on his hips. There’s something in fucking naked Nightwing while he’s almost in full his uniform that makes him impatient as if he was a horny teenager who finally got into his crush’s pants. (Which is almost true, when you think about it…)

He enters Dick in one smooth motion, the other man moaning loudly, hands tugging Red Hood’s jacket desperately. The dump piece of furniture Nightwing is sitting on groans in protest when Jason’s thrusts become faster but this is not the sound that makes Jason stop.

There’s someone else in the room.

“Jay, why did’y---” Dick’s question is swallowed halfway when he opens his eyes and they set on the intruder. Somehow Jason simply _knows_ even before he turns his head.

Batman is crouching on the windowsill. Bruce Wayne has just witnessed two of his adopted sons fucking in an abandoned flat. For a split second, Jason’s and Bruce’s gaze meet. Then he’s gone.

Jason’s first reaction is anticipation for Dick’s panic attack, but instead he feels Dick clenching around his cock even tighter and when he looks into the blue eyes… Well, _that’s_ a revelation.

“You’re even more turned on, aren’t you, Boy Wonder?” Jason whispers, his teeth teasing Dick’s earlobe. “You got off of Bruce seeing us,” Jason resumes his thrusts, his hips moving agonisingly slow, every and each of them deep and hitting just the right spot. “You were always the perfect son. The best Robin. But there was always the feeling you were not enough, wasn’t there?” Dick is whimpering miserably, his hands clenched in fists around Red Hood’s jacket. But he’s not trying to shut him up, so Jason continues. “You tried so hard but you when you finally put you foot down, it turned out you were dispensable… But you still wanted to be what _he_ wanted you to be... So desperately...” Dick tries to fuck himself on Jason’s cock, fasten up the pace, so Jason puts his hands on his hips to keep him in place and continue the punishingly slow thrusts. “Deep inside, you wanted to fail him. You wanted to _hurt_ him where it would hurt most. _You just did_.”

Dick comes without warning, his moan sounding almost like a sob, burying his face in Jason’s neck. Jason needs only three more fast thrusts into Dick’s tight hole to reach his own orgasm. The whole world becomes white for one perfect moment and then Jason recovers to Dick breathing heavily, still clutching to his jacket as if it was a lifeline. Jason slips out of him and Dick wraps himself around Jason, arms around his neck and legs clutching to his hips and Jason returns the embrace.

“You fuckin’ jerk,” Dick whispers breathlessly but there’s no venom in his words.

“But I was right, wasn’t I…” Somehow, Jason doesn’t feel too proud to be right this time. Dick was always the perfect one and to realize there’s such a blemish on him… It makes Jason ache in the weirdest way but also love the bastard more.

Jason takes a deep trembling breath before murmuring “I love you, Dick” and he feels the other man tense in his hold but he needs to say it all now. “I don’t know if this was just a goodbye for you or if you want to go on but _I need you_ to know that this is not just fucking for me. I love you,” he repeats and the words feel like sand in his mouth. And they shouldn’t, this should be one of the most important things he has ever said in his life and it already feels like a mistake.

Dick withdraws and makes enough distance between them so that he can look Jason in the eyes.

“You thought this was--” he doesn’t finish. There’s a puzzled expression on his face that turns into concern and then he puts his poker face on. “This is not a conversation I am going to have _like this_. We’re going to my place _now._ ”

ж

Jason is quite sure that during their way to Dick’s flat he has went over a thousand of possibilities of how this situation can pan out. Twice. And he’s terrified about the outcome of about 97% of them.

When they arrive, firstly Dick takes of his domino mask and gloves without a rush and in silence. Only then he slowly turns to Jason and takies a deep breath before speaking.

"You thought this was just sex for me?"

Dick looks hurt and Jason is not sure what to make of it.

"The tension was between us, I know you really got of the pain of my bites, so, yeah, I knew you enjoyed the sex for sure but... Dick, this is _me_ we're talking about. Why would you want anything more from _me_?"

For a moment Dick looks at him as if he was seeing Jason for the first time in his life. But then there's just… sadness.

"And all the times you just stayed over? Watching shit together? Just spending time-- What was that for you?"

"I figured you're lonely. In our line of work it's hard to find people to hang around with when you are constantly sleep deprived and bruised and I just clung to any opportunity to see you so--" he stops himself because Dick looks only sadder.

"You think so little of yourself, Jay," Dick says, his voice quiet. He closes the distance between them in two steps and takes Jason’s face into his hands. “I know you’ve been through a lot but I thought you’d see that--” he stops to take another deep breath but now there’s a small smile on his lips and he still keeps Jason’s head in place so that he can’t escape Dick’s gaze. “I admit I didn’t know what will come from this arrangement, I knew you’re no longer my Little Wing but… I can see the man you are under all the bad things that happened to you and I like to think that it’s a little thanks to me that you were getting better. Because it was and it _is_ more to me, Jason. I love you and if you want me to I want to continue to unearth the Jason Todd I love from under that anger that drove you back here as Red Hood…”

Jason is thankful when Dick finally allows his head to slip from the other man’s grip and he rests his forehead on Dick’s shoulder and just _breathes_ for a few moments.

“So you would like to try and… _be together_?” Jason says to Dick’s collarbone because the jumble of emotions filling his chest makes it hard to speak and for the moment impossible to meet Dick’s eyes. Mouthing off to people with guns pointed at him is easier than _this_.

Dick wraps his hands around the other man, tightly and protectively.

“Yes. Very much so.”

“Okay,” Jason replies like a complete jerk but, well, Dick knows by now what he’s getting into.

“But you totally need to take me on an awesome date,” Dick adds and a laugh escapes Jason’s mouth. He straightens up and finally looks at Dick.

“Okay.”

Only then he learns the date loosening up the atmosphere was totally a trap and now Dick is gazing into his eyes with determination.

“And _no killing_ , Jay. _I don’t care the reason._ You’re going back to the basics and using non-lethal techniques.“

“Okay,” Jason repeats but this time it sounds like a promise and Dick must feel Jason’s hands clenching his hips in the effort of uttering that one word, that pledge.

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is the end of this fic!  
> I immensely enjoyed writing it and I hope you liked reading it, too! <3
> 
> Actually, I enjoyed it so much that while writing it I came up with a sequel, I already have an outline for the whole story.  
> Though, I already warn you that:  
> 1) I have no idea when that sequel will appear since I have to finish some other fics first,  
> 2) sequel is gonna be jaydicktim - yep, I am adding another Robin to the mix. I decided to warn you because I know that it's a ship even less popular than jaydick so some of you may decide not to go for the sequel. No hard feelings.  
> But in the event of any of you wanting to read this sequel, I already created a series for these fics so you can subscribe to the series and then you'll get a notification when I actually start posting something more to this story.
> 
>  
> 
> **THANK YOU ALL WHO READ, LEFT KUDOS AND ESPECIALLY THE READERS WHO LEFT COMMENTS. I ALWAYS APPRECIATE THEM <3<3 **

**Author's Note:**

> PS: I'm on [tumblr](http://missmho.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/hoodedmiho) if anyone wants to fangirl over Nightwing's abs.


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